


The Hamfam Should Probably be Banned From Walmart

by montynavarrno



Series: The Hamfam goes to college [20]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Gen, Walmart shenanigans, the throwing of condoms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 04:22:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8272667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/montynavarrno/pseuds/montynavarrno
Summary: Stories detailing the mischief that the Hamfam gets up to in Walmart.





	1. Operation Gourmet Dinner

**Author's Note:**

> This was written months ago. I don't know why I haven't published it until now.

Strange things always seemed to happen to the Hamilton squad when Walmart was involved. 

 

* * *

 

One particular time was the time where they decided to eat a gourmet Italian meal in the middle of Walmart.

 

It all started when Hercules mentioned as they were walking into the store that one could probably get away with anything in a Walmart.

 

"The rules are so lax here." said Hercules. 

 

Lafayette nodded his head in agreement. "Once I saw a man eating fried chicken while looking at the lawn care items."

 

"In all honesty, I feel like you could probably eat an entire gourmet Italian meal in the middle of Walmart and the employees just wouldn't give a fuck." Alex said.

 

John laughed. "Can you imagine the reactions? You'd just be coming into Walmart to buy like sunscreen or whatever, and then there'd just be a bunch of people standing around a table the middle of the aisle eating like Italian food or whatever."

 

The rest of the group laughed. As the laughter subsided, Alex spoke up. "We should do it."

 

John looked at Alex like he was crazy. "What?"

 

"We should see if we can eat a gourmet Italian meal in the middle of Walmart." Alex said, a crazy grin starting to take over his face.

 

"Mon ami, how would you propose we do this?" Lafayette asked.

 

"We'd get a table with wheels and put like a checkered tablecloth over it. We could put a fake candle in the center of the table, get a bottle of sparkling apple juice, dress up really nicely, and get some food from Olive Garden and fucking eat it in the middle of Walmart and see if we get kicked out." John could practically see the wheels turning in Alex's head. 

 

"Honestly? I'm one hundred percent on board with that." said Hercules. 

 

"As am I." agreed Lafayette.

 

John sighed. "We're going to get kicked out of Walmart. I'm so in."

 

* * *

 

The plan expanded to include Eliza and Theodosia, who had found out because Alex had a hard time keeping a secret like that when Eliza was around. Nobody really cared, because Eliza and Theodosia got together with Hercules and planned out what everyone would wear. It was the fanciest any of them had ever dressed up. It was like black tie to the infinity power.

 

Soon, the fateful day arrived. Lafayette and Hercules showed up with the table and tablecloth, Theodosia and Eliza brought the candle and sparkling apple juice, and John and Alex brought the food. 

 

They quickly set everything on the table, and pushed it inside. The greeter started to say "Welcome to Walmart" but was quickly silenced at the sight of six people in very formal attire pushing a table full of Italian food into the somewhat grimy Walmart entrance. 

 

Alex and his friends said nothing. They pushed the table of food toward the bakery and vegetable section, and once they agreed on a location, stood around the table and began to eat.

 

All of the shoppers looked at them oddly. One or two asked what they were doing. Eliza always answered that they were simply enjoying a meal. 

 

No Walmart employees ever came over to kick them out. 

 

Operation Gourmet Dinner in Walmart was a success.


	2. Condom Throwing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lafayette needs attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what the fuck is this

Another memorable time at Walmart was the time they met George Washington and his wife Martha in the bread aisle. 

 

This Incident with a capital I involved only Hercules and Lafayette. And the Washingtons, obviously.

 

Before the story begins, let it be known that Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette is an attention whore. He had many methods of getting someone's attention. Usually his flamboyant personality was enough, but when that and all else failed, he turned to something always guaranteed to get someone's attention.

 

Lafayette, self-confessed ho, always carried condoms on his person. And he had a habit of throwing them at people in order to get their attention. 

 

But on to the actual story. 

 

Hercules and Lafayette were in the bread aisle, looking for cinnamon raisin bread. While Lafayette missed European bread, cinnamon raisin sort of made up for it. And Hercules loved cinnamon raisin bread. It was pretty much a staple of their diet at this point.

 

This occasion was slightly different, as at the opposite end of the aisle was their history (and government) teacher George Washington, who was looking at different types of whole wheat bread. A short, kindly looking woman was standing next to him, looking intensely at the different brands. 

 

"Holy shit Hercules."

Lafayette said, poking his boyfriend in the shoulder. "It's Washington! George Washington is in the same Walmart bread aisle as us."

 

"Well I mean, it is the closest store to campus. And I'm pretty he sure he has a house close to the campus, so-" Hercules was cut off by Lafayette.

 

"I'm going to try to get his attention." Lafayette said determinedly. 

 

"Why?" asked Hercules. 

 

Lafayette looked at him with something like hero worship in his eyes. "It's George Washington. He is the best and most smartest and brightest and most beautiful man on campus. Well, except for you, of course."

 

"Aw, thank you, my little French fry. But seriously. I think that's his wife, so we shouldn't be bothering him." 

 

Lafayette was ignoring Hercules's wisdom. Once he got an idea into his head, there was no stopping him. 

 

"Professor Washington! Professor Washington!" Lafayette was practically jumping in the air to get his attention. Washington did not look in their direction.

 

So Lafayette switched up his tactics. "George! George! George! George!"

 

Neither Hercules nor Lafayette could hear it, but George's wife was more than a little confused as to why a Frenchman wearing a hot pink shirt and bright yellow pants was yelling at her husband. "George, do you know those boys?"

 

George glanced over briefly at his students. "Yes. They're students of mine at the university. I love them, but I fear that if we start talking to them Lafayette will never leave us alone. I think he has some sort of hero worship thing for me."

 

Martha huffed at her husband. "George. They obviously like you. Why don't you go talk to them?"

 

George turned to her, obviously beginning form a retort. It was at this moment that a small bright pink package hit George in the face with a thwacking fwump sort of sound. It bounced off his face and fell into the cart he was holding. He picked it up out of the cart. It was a condom. 

 

It had come from Lafayette and Hercules' direction.

 

George slowly turned to where his students were standing. Lafayette was beaming and waving excitedly at him. Hercules had his hands covering his face. George exchanged a look with Martha, and then walked over to where the two boys were standing.

 

"I'm not mad, but I'd like to know which one of you threw this." George said, holding out the condom.

 

"I did. I wanted to get your attention." said Lafayette unabashedly. 

 

"I told him not to, professor." Hercules said quickly. He couldn't believe his boyfriend had thrown a pink condom at their teacher. 

 

"It's okay. But you know, maybe next time you could just come over and talk to me, instead of throwing condoms at me and making my wife question the sanity of my students." George said, face serious but eyes twinkling. 

 

Lafayette grinned at him. "Whatever you say, professor."

 

With that, the two groups bid each other adieu and went to find the rest of their groceries.

 

* * *

 

Lafayette kept throwing condoms at Washington. It was an excellent way to get Washington to call on him in class. 

 

Hercules just pretended he didn't know Lafayette when that happened.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no shame I'm posting this and i don't fucking give a shit


End file.
